katie’s fall five

Leaves have a burnt smell underfoot. When its dark and cold all I can think of are flannel and bonfires. as well as pumpkin pastries and listening to lots of Angus and Julia Stone. I’m no longer wearing cardigans, but heavier coats. I am immersed in Autumn and I couldn’t be more content. Here is what helps me enjoy the season:

1. Incorporating sweet potatoes in everything. I bought 6 sweet potatoes last week and have been eating them nonstop. A couple days ago I improvised a recipe: roasted nutmeg sweet potatoes over wild rice. Here’s what you do: chop up sweet potatoes into squares (after peeling and rinsing off). Put them on a baking sheet. Sprinkle on some olive oil, a pinch of nutmeg and cinnamon, and some sea salt. Bake for about a half an hour on 350 or until they look done-ish (I’m no food blogger…don’t expect me to be too specific here). Serve over wild rice that you buy in a box. Or make your own. Whatever. Either way, its delicious.
2. The Cardinals won the world series on Friday. This is probably the only sports related thing you will see on this blog, like ever…unless I’m talking about the top 5 most beautiful soccer players or something (which has been known to be something I bring up in conversation sometimes). Anyways, I’m from Saint Louis so this picture makes me emotional and proud. 
3. You know how much I love to have a soundtrack on hand for everything: Currently I’m listening to new Feist and Laura Marling. These ladies have inspired my perfect fall playlist.
4. I have been loving going to brunch lately. Something feels so fall-ish about waking up on a Saturday or Sunday, putting on a leather bomber jacket, boots, and an infinity scarf, and taking a brisk walk to meet a friend for brunch. It is honestly a lovely weekend routine.
5. Obsessing over Rugby’s NYC  Tweed Run. I think its easy to understand why:

bff rules

If you haven’t realized it already, the basis of this blog is a friendship. The reason we started ‘but first, coffee’ is so we could keep sharing thoughts, ideas, and New Yorker profiles on Rahm Emmanuel over longer distances than we are used to. Sure, we didn’t need a blog to do this, but it helps us feel connected to one another.

Recently, Mindy Kaling (who we love and admire), posted a list of BFF rules on her blog. It is a manifesto of sorts, a list that defines her relationship with her best friend in the entire world. Mindy’s list includes some extremely important rules, such as “I must try to like your boyfriend 5 times,” and “I can borrow all your clothes.” We got to talking and realized that without realizing it, we had an unenumerated list of our own that we ought to make official. Ms. Kaling inspired us to not only to do this but also officially dub this week our first official bff week in preparation of being reunited in Chicago this weekend. SO, we present our bff rules:

1. Your wine* is my wine in all situations. If we are at your house, pour me a glass of whatever is on your counter. If we are out, I will take a sip of whatever you ordered without asking.
2. You have to watch all the same TV shows as me and speak casually about characters as if they were our friends.
3. You have to make me go shopping and be patient as I mope around the store complaining. Furthermore, make me try stuff on. A best friend should intimately know the shopping strategies of the other friend and act accordingly. Example, Emily should say to Katie “You aren’t allowed to buy any more black or grey things” and Katie should lovingly point out to Emily that she always has 3 of what she just picked up to try on.
4. I can talk to you on the phone while going to the bathroom.
5. You have to always be honest and tell me when I look good but realize that sometimes I just feel bad about myself and that is OK (I.E. you have to say “Your hair doesn’t look greasy at all but if you want to shower before we go I understand”).
6. You should support me in everything, like if I hypothetically wanted to make up a secret twitter account where I could post cryptic song lyrics about my mood then you would agree to help me come up with a name.
7. Anything I text you is private and you aren’t allowed to tweet it without my permission. Besides, we are the only ones who think it is funny.
8. Furthermore, I am allowed to text you whenever I want about whatever I want. You have to respond to at least every third one.
9. If I want to get to a Taylor Swift concert 8 hours early to stand in line hoping Taylor herself will come outside and hand out backstage passes, you are required to be right by my side through the whole thing.
10. I will always help you with the household chore you hate the most.**
11. If we are going to dinner together you have to know that even though I say I don’t know what I am in the mood for that I already have a very specific place in mind and I need you to guess what it is. You have to play this game with me every time.
12. You have to hate all the same people I do in the same specific way. (I.E. “Yes, you are right. Her hair IS too long. I never want to talk to her)

How about you? Do you and your bff have rules? Make sure you let us know what they are. Also, happy bff week!

*$8 Cabernet, duh.

**Emily: doing dishes, Katie: making her bed

the new girl

About a couple week ago, Annie Stamell tweeted the following:

Living with 3 dudes is either going to turn me into a huge tomboy or I’ll be awesome & know the secrets to everything.

My thoughts, exactly.

In my case, turns out its a mixture of both of these scenarios. Ok here’s some background: Three weeks ago I moved to Chicago (The Windy City, ya’ll! I’ve made it!). However, I didn’t have a a home yet so my dear friend Jeff offered me an air mattress and a room err… ‘nook’ at his house. I wasn’t TOO worried, however, because I figured I had a pretty good idea of what living with Jeff would be like. In college at the University of Missouri (Go Tigers!), in a magical slum land called East Campus, Jeff and I’s houses backed up to one another. Jeff would frequently stop by with wine and/or diet coke, I would cook, and he would comment about how my wardrobe of leggings and oversized flannel shirts made me look like the most recent victim of a horrible breakup. And thus, a friendship was born.

Despite knowing Jeff, I had a few concerns about living with him and his two roommates.

• Bathroom rights. I grew up with 4 sisters, OK? Sharing a bathroom with 3 boys in their 20s is a terrifying thought. Am I right?
• Looking less like Zooey Deschanel in “The New Girl” and more like this chick.
• Being “that girl who lives with boys.” Come on, you all know what I’m talking about. I’m moving to a new city here and I have lots of first impressions to make.

Even though some of these concerns were FOR SURE warranted (boys are just dirty, ya’ll), I learned some valuable life lessons from Jeff, Matt, and Luke:

1. Giving someone a place to sleep is often the greatest act of kindness you can extend. These boys always have people staying with them: college friends, grad school study partners, stray family members…you name it. I was always sharing the living room with someone new, which I absolutely loved. I made a ton of new friends, heard stories, and bonded over the fact that whoever was staying there was briefly homeless like me. These boys were incredibly gracious about who they let stay with them, which is a trend I will carry with me to my new home.
2. Sometimes silence is the best mode of communication. Real talk: I’ve lived with girls my entire life. And something about girls is that they do not shut up. Ever. We feel the need to verbally process everything, talk through our days extensively, and discuss the color of that one chick’s bridesmaid dresses late into the night on a Tuesday. Not so with boys. Besides a 2 sentence synopsis about how their days were, I often got no information about their coworkers, boss, or their long commute. At first I tried to fill the silence, but then I just embraced it and started cooking for them instead. One Saturday early into my stay Luke and I watched football (in silence) for about 6 hours. Then after that we were friends. Just like that.
3. Passive Aggressiveness is not the way to get what you want. Girls, stop being passive aggressive towards your roommates. It will NOT have the desired effect. Something I learned from the boys: If someone has something you want, just ask them. It’s that simple! Who would of thought that a straightforward “Bro, you owe me 20 bucks for the electric bill. Pay up.” would work? I know, its crazy, really.

SO, I didn’t become complete tomboy (although whiskey and football have become staples in my life) and I didn’t figure out the secrets to everything (just some things), but I did have the best time. Maybe that is why I moved literally a block away from the boys. Hey guys, can I come over and watch football this weekend? I’ll cook.

5 things i learned from josephine march

This post originally appeared on my old blog about a year ago. Emily suggested I repost it to But First, Coffee. Enjoy!

A girl’s life is tough when most of her heroes are that of fiction. I have realized recently that most women I look up to are heroines from movies or literature; they aren’t real.

But they are real to me.

My mother always read aloud to me books with spunky, outspoken, and “hopelessly flawed” heroines. There were books like “Anne of Green Gables,” and movies such as “Emma” and “Pollyanna.” I was fortunate enough to be subjected to shaped by the characters found within these various works of literature and cinema. Anne, Emma, Pollyanna, and Elizabeth Bennett have influenced who I have become and more importantly, who I strive to be.

If I had to point to one movie that I have desired to shape my life after it would be “Little Women.” Before my two youngest siblings were born, sometimes it felt like my family was the March family in more ways than one. I had three little sisters and many of our personality traits matched up to those of Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy. Every holiday season, we would snuggle up by the fire and watch that movie at the request of my mother, who sometimes even called us her “little women.” My sister Kelli is Meg to a tee. I was always pegged as Jo.

Here are five things that I have learned from Jo March.

1. It is ok to stand too close to the fire.

Jo’s carelessness has become a metaphor for my entire life. Every dress that Jo March owned had burn marks on the back as a result of standing near the fireplace. She’s a hot mess. literally.

But she goes to the ball anyway.

2. Hold out on the German Professor.

Laurie (played by the dreamy Christian Bale) proposed to her and she turned him down. A sane woman does not turn down Christian Bale. Given, I’ll admit that I’m not fending off potential suitors left and right or anything, but my point is that Jo knew that they might be happy, but not “truly, madly, deeply in love” kind of happy.  So she waited. And waited…and saw her sisters marry…and waited some more.

I admire her patience.

But then someone better than she ever expected came along…someone perfect for her and her imperfection.

3. As a writer, satisfaction comes from writing what you know.

For most of her life, Jo always wrote loftily; what she though people wanted to hear: great, epic tales of forbidden romance and darkness. But Friedrich (the man she would eventually love) challenged her.

Friedrich: “You must write from life, from the depths of your soul!”

Jo: “Friedrich, this is what I write. My apologies if it fails to live up to your high standards.”

Friedrich: “Jo, there is more to you than this. If you have the courage to write it.”

If I ever become a writer, I desire to be known deeply by what I write.

4. Breaking down to your mother every once in awhile is perfectly acceptable.

After Jo refuses Laurie’s proposal and her little sister Amy is offered the ultimate Europe trip, she cries to her mother (Of course played by Susan Sarandon…the perefect mom figure.) and expresses feeling out of place and awkward.

Well, of course Aunt March prefers Amy over me. Why shouldn’t she? I’m ugly and awkward and I always say the wrong things. I fly around throwing away perfectly good marriage proposals. I love our home, but I’m just so fitful and I can’t stand being here! I’m sorry, I’m sorry Marmee. There’s just something really wrong with me. I want to change, but I – I can’t. And I just know I’ll never fit in anywhere.

I love this. And I love Marmee’s response:

Oh, Jo. Jo, you have so many extraordinary gifts; how can you expect to lead an ordinary life? You’re ready to go out and – and find a good use for your talent. Tho’ I don’t know what I shall do without my Jo. Go, and embrace your liberty. And see what wonderful things come of it.

5. Always go to New York. Always.

So, she leaves. She leaves home, she leaves her family, and everything that is comfortable. But the most significant thing to note is that she comes back home…eventually. Even though the city feels “cold and strange” she finds her way there, and comes home to fulfill. Jo taught me that its all well and good to want to end up at home; where you started, but the act of leaving often changes us- changes us in the way that we are able to appreciate the things that before seemed tiresome and mundane.

This holiday season, my mom, my sisters and I will undoubtedly curl up by the fireplace and watch “Little Women.”

I can’t wait.

what I, Katie, like this week

So this week Emily is busy crafting studying so I’m afraid you are stuck with me for our Friday links. I’m going to do it a little differently this week (surprise Emily!). Instead of a list of just links, I’m going to list what I’ve been into lately. This will include lifestyle choices, fun things, and internet finds.

1. I am on a quest for a signature scent. I grew up sneaking into my parent’s bathroom and spritzing my mother’s signature scent, Davidoff Coolwater Blue, on my wrists and neck. I felt so polished and grown up. The wonder about having your very own scent is that it is a way to feel put together, sexy, and mysterious. In case you were wondering, I think this one is the one for me.
2. I love movie trailers. Here are some to take note of:
   • “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close”
   • “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”
   • “The Swell Season” Documentary
   • “Like Crazy“
3. Whiskey on the rocks.
4. I have been streaming Quiet Company’s new album “We Are All Where We Belong” all week long. Its wonderful.
5. Emotional Baggage Check. This is a site where you can dedicate songs to people with ’emotional baggage,’ or you can ‘unload your baggage’ and other people on the site can dedicate songs to you. Come on, you know you want to try it.
6. I move into my new place on Saturday! Which means I will no longer be living with boys (Blog post on this topic coming soon, promise.). But I’m not going to lie, today I got really excited and wrote them all handwritten notes of thanks. I then wonder why I don’t do this more often which was followed by the decision that I would. So begins the hunt for new stationary! I’m going to start with Renegade Handmade and go from there.

Well, thats all I’ve got. Have a wonderful Autumn weekend. My to do list (literally) reads in messy print: “Move in. Find cupcakes.” So I’ll be doing that. Cheers!

an open letter to nutella

Dear Nutella,

If we are meeting again it must be under one of the following circumstances:

• All of my bowls and plates are dirty. Luckily all you require is a spoon!
• I am having a chocolate craving, but I am just SO health conscious that I’m going with the healthier choice. You are made out of hazelnuts and skim milk. So duh. Smart food.
• Its raining. Or snowing. Or too sunny. Or too hot. If there’s a way to justify enjoying you, I will find it.

First, I really just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for allowing yourself be passed around a living room from girl to girl during 2 hour long Bachelorette marathons. Thank you for pairing perfectly with Skim milk. And thank you for spreading on everything and anything that I deem appropriate at the time: fruits, every sort of carb imaginable, and cake. You haven’t let this girl down. You have been a constant.

The bottom line of this letter is that I need to clarify something: I both love AND hate you at the same time. You are always there for me when I need you, however after I look down and realize that 3/4 of you is gone I begin to hate you as well as myself. I have no self control when it comes to you, nutella.

I think we should go on a break. This way, next time you go on sale at Target  (3 bucks?!) I WILL have self control! I will refrain!

I love you. I just can’t to this anymore.

All of my love as well as unconditional regard,

Katie

a mixtape for fall: katie

Delicious Autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking successive Autumns.

-George Eliot

My desire for fresh music is in perfect synchronization with the changing of seasons. Fall holds a special place in my heart that requires a special soundtrack.

Keeping with Emily and I’s tradition of making each other mixes as soon as summer ends and we feel like we need to turn off the Girl Talk and crank up some Patty Griffin, we thought we could feature some fall music on the blog. Today, I bring you my mix. Emily says that my music is always “about two levels sadder than what she’s listening to at any given time,” so keep that in mind as you listen.

Note: I’ll include the track list below, but the songs are up on my Spotify profile. Here’s the link.  Also, Emily will be posting her mix tomorrow, which I’m sure will be filled with Autumn cheer for your listening pleasure.

Champagne Year//St. Vincent

The Story I Heard//Blind Pilot

Best For Last//Adele

Mistaken For Strangers//The National

Orange Sky//Alexi Murdoch

Quiet Houses//Fleet Foxes

Postcards From Italy//Beirut, Jeremy Barnes

The Park//Feist

Curs in the Weeds//Horse Feathers

Lillian, Egypt//Josh Ritter

Our Bleeding Hearts//The Great Northern

Different Names for the Same Thing//Death Cab for Cutie

Shell Games//Bright Eyes

Gagging Order//Radiohead

Sing a Song for Them//Jenny Lewis

Lonely Company//Quiet Corral

To Be Alone With You//Sufjan Stevens

Hope you enjoy and happy Autumn!

Love, Katie

A letter to my {42 year old} self

Dear 42 year old self,

I hope this finds you well. I hope see this and smile, thinking of the 22 year old version of you: optimistic, fresh, and two days shy of moving to a new city.

Does everyone still call you Katie? Or did your romantic anglophile notions of being called Kate eventually take over? If so, I hope you are wearing a black pencil skirt and Warby Parkers. I bet you look smart and sexy, like Kate Winslet.

I digress…

I hope you don’t feel old. I’m sure you are the same in many ways as you were at 22, drinking Blue Moon on porches and starting but never finishing crafts on Saturday mornings. Knowing us, I’m sure you haven’t let the obligation of the adult routine stop you from being spontaneous, relaxing for more than the occasional Sunday afternoon, and enjoying (and I mean really enjoying) your family and friends. If you’ve faltered here, don’t fret. It’s never to late to be a kid again.

Do you have kids? Do you have a husband? If the answer is yes, then I hope you have a yard and a porch. Are you the sort of mom you always wanted to be? I hope so…I hope you take walks with your kids and read to them every night. Don’t forget to read your daughters Anne of Green Gables, and after this is done please watch the movie. Do this at least once a year. Also, make sure you play in the snow with your kids. Don’t ask why…just make sure you do.

What is your husband like? I hope he smells good and makes you breakfast for dinner when you don’t feel like cooking. Did you take awkward engagement pictures? If so, don’t display them around the house. Please, just don’t. Most importantly, make sure you are spontaneous with your husband. He is your life partner and best friend after all.

Did you ever revisit Wales like you wanted? Please tell me you still have an up to date passport. If not, then march your ass to the nearest post office and fix that immediately. If you haven’t been out of the country in over 10 years, then plan a trip. Go to Greece, South Africa, or Norway. Those are places we’ve always wanted to go.

Most importantly, just remember that you don’t have your shit together yet. There is always room for growth and change no matter how comfortable you are. Break bad habits, find a new hobby, and love everyone better.

There are still adventures to be had. Keep laughing at yourself.

Love,

22 year old Katie

P.S: Did the economy ever turn around? Just wondering…

one more reason i’m great on first dates

I’ve been on first dates where boys have asked me ‘so who is your favorite author?’ I get excited, scooting forward in my seat, thinking that this question must reveal something unmistakable about this boy. Maybe he cares about books and stories as much as I do! So I spastically blurt out “Sylvia Plath…without a doubt!” This always elicits concerned looks. “Didn’t she kill herself? By like sticking her head in the oven?” I defend her, saying “Her life was really hard, ok? Haven’t you read The Bell Jar?” Needless to say, I’m still single.

That being said, I feel like its about time I paid tribute to this amazing woman. Here are some of my favorite quotes:

I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited.

And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt

Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted.

Can you understand? Someone, somewhere, can you understand me a little, love me a little? For all my despair, for all my ideals, for all that – I love life. But it is hard, and I have so much – so very much to learn.

She died at the age of 30, which is the saddest part of the story. She left behind journals, poems, and novels that document her struggle with depression and her desire to live. All her works overflow with an intense desire to be understood by a society that didn’t know how to deal with depression. Even so, she captures life in a beautiful way. And THAT is why she is my favorite author, which is a fact I will continue to admit at dinner parties, on first dates, and to anyone else who asks.

what we like this week

Katie

• In honor of Steve Job’s departure, here are some of the man’s best quotes (via WSJ).
• Bon Iver’s video for “Halocene” is the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in a long time. In related Bon Iver news, he released a song with James Blake. Check it out.
•  Musical Food Pairing??? Turntable Kitchen, a San Francisco blog, seeks to pair whatever you are cooking/eating with an artist. I’m totally on board.
• Some heroes are real. Like Ryan Gosling, who broke up a street fight in NYC this week.

Emily

• I can’t get this new Ryan Adams song out of my head, looking forward to hearing the entire album October 11.
• I’ve finally found it- the perfect fall sweater! Now I just need a crisp breeze and some apple cider to accompany it.
• There’s nothing better than a good cheese plate and this one is especially lovely.
• I love Kinfolk, the new online magazine that’s “a guide for small gatherings.” After flipping through a few pages, I can confidently say that I want my life to be exactly like every picture.